Second Childhood
My toes were tired so I sat in one corner to ease up. There was a nearby coffee shop where I can grab a sit but it’s a Saturday so every one’s busy on their coffee. breathe in, breathe out..yeah felt cool…I checked my cellphone if there is any messages from hub, none. He was checking on pc parts with the kids while me and mom look around, wherelse home stuffs. I think this is where most women at my age go to..While waiting for them, an old man came by, flanked by two middle aged guys around 35-40 and I assume the man must be their grandpa. He can hardly walk with strides so slow and careful. The cane can hardly guide his steps so the two man had to help each and every way. As usual, he is dressed up by beige polo shirt, the linen ones while tucked on gray slacks with belt almost halfway through the waist and the shoes were one of those white Advan rubber shoes..,and at the back of your mind "why do they always tuck it so tightly as if they cant breathe?"..And this is their common fashion.the senile way…My mother called up my attention , I didnt know the ice cream I was eating have already melted and it’s dripping on the floor. Until suddenly I heard familiar voices…it’s my kids.
Everyone’s tired so we decided to eat.My 5-year-old almost went to sleep so we headed to the food court where she can lie down comfortably while we eat. I thought she’d wake up because of the band playing but she didnt, must be tired from running here and there. It was quarter past 5pm, we wend our way home. I have to cancel the grocery thing because we also have to visit his grandpa at the hospital. Diabetes. It’s been a couple of days now since he was admitted. The doctor said they have to trim down the sugar level via insulin injections, which means it’s not a simple diabetes. In addition to that he also lost a lot of potassium which must be responsible in balancing and normalizing blood flow..coz up to now he couldnt walk. We brought banana, one good source of K. When we came he was smiling to us..like he always does, he keeps on asking questions he didnt realized he have already asked several times..and I’d always answer..
The irony inside the room,there were at least 3 older man his age battling over old age. One had Alzheimers’, he keeps on ranting about the carabaos not being put to stables, the other has asthma gasping his breathe over the nebulizer while the other one was suffering from angina pectoris.
I felt a certain feeling of fear. What would’ve happen to me if I were around that age?! I have two kids and I cannot guarantee myself I’d be taken cared of..or would I want them to suffer like this. When I would be wearing adult diapers, and wash my ass after my poofing….do i still want to sustain my life for a little bit while it’s tantamount to my kids burden? I really felt afraid. My husband always tells me that if he reached a point where he is old and useless, he said bring me on top of the building and push me..or just kill me. I figured life is like having to enjoy it during the heydays and suffer to the end. {sighs} But life’s like that..best part of it is having to experience good things while you can, and what about those who cant since time immemorial.However,
I know that these old people doesnt want to be a burden inasmuch as again. But at this point they are helpless. Can they just make a tablet called "euthanasia"! Maybe I wouldnt feel this much fright……
<<<<<<<<<and with this countenance??!! gives me more creep!….
